::Thursday, February 16, 2006::
welp, i went to youth advance and had a life changing weekend. this time, its sticking. i was a bit stressed so maybe i wasnt as much fun to everyone as i was in past years, but it all got better for the second half. a bethany student named matt smith, along with a few other students, wrote this song for the weekend using the theme, servants. the bridge went as follows: Lord im just a child/ filled with doubts and tears/ take me as i am/ with all my hurts and fears. that part really got to me and, not surprisingly for anyone who knows me at all, it sent me to tears every time. why does God choose to use the weak? anyways, matt is a very popular guy so i never expected to meet him. lo and behold, saturday afternoon i ended up chatting with him in the ad building. he asked how i was and what i enjoyed most about the weekend so far. i told him i was fine, but he read me like a book, so i told him about how that song was really appropriate for me that weekend, and just that life was sorta frustrating hthe last few weeks and it was hard to give of myself when i was stressed. he seemed to be able to see right into me and simply said that i cant make hurt just go away, but i should refocus on things that are more important. hmmm...thats deep. i can honestly tell you i have no idea what the speaker said the entire weekend, but that one conversation with matt was what made all the difference. that night, at a praise and worship "concert" type thing, i was praying to God, asking him what i could do to divert attention away from my self pity. i asked him what i should focus on. dumb question. he practically whapped me over the head and yelled "ME YOU IDIOT!!" well, okay, not so harshly, but you know what i mean. this all got me thinking about when we say we feel far from God and how we're so lonely. im sure that God feels lonely and far from us too. why do we expect God to come to us? what have we done thats so deserving of his praise? it goes the other way people! since then, ive muscled my way thru luke and john, both phenomenol books. just knowing that God and i are getting closer and that im pleasing him by being genuinely interested is all the payback i need. seriuosly everyone, when you feel abandoned and worthless, despite the reason, God chooses us unfortunate saps to do his work! what a craazy thought!!! this is jumbled so i apologize, but it works for me, so theres an update. i love you all.
:: 5:58 PM::
::Hailey Jeanne::
girl| OXOXOXOXOXOX | femme | loves | piano | guitar | long romantic walks on the beach |
writing| singing | pineapple | the color orange | white chocolate | family | my roomie | laughing out loud | blowing bubbles | smiling | Softsoap Milk & Honey body wash | making up my own words |
