::Saturday, August 19, 2006::
sorry everyone...or anyone? i havent been so dedicated to blogging this summer, but its not like ive had easy access, and even if i did, ive been soooo busy. so far this summer, ive been changed and stretched in more ways than i ever expected. even little things have changed for me.
it started out remotely relaxed with challenges. I had to get in a canoe, which anyone will tell you takes more than a smile. then i climbed the ladder behind the climbing wall. unfortunately, its slightly shorter than convinient, the ladder ends and you still have to climb down some rickety boards to the safety of the ground. praise the Lord that when i froze up and let go of the ladder, my "husbands" strong arms were there to catch me. yeah, i got married too. i miss my husband... :( anyways, this summer, ive taught canoeing, taught games and sports, (gong show), counselled in many different difficult situations, had a camper literally take off and cause a camp wide search, and cried on almost a daily basis. that is not as bad as it sounds honestly. i feel healthy and open about my emotions. however, i think that tears wont be as necessary as they were before anymore. I HAVE FOUND MY CONFIDENCE IN CHRIST JESUS! im so pumped! I had this HUGE conversation with God the other day and i prayed for myself. i know it sounds really selfish, but i was so spiritually attacked out here and Satan took away all my value i felt. i let him and it was my own fault. so many people were praying for me out here it was awesome. God blessed my with a prayer buddy who actually prayed for me on a daily basis and met with me to encourage me. even though i am weak and had alot of trouble handing things over to God, it was just blatently obvious to me that God thinks im beautiful...no...God
knows im beautiful! He told me! i got to stand up in chapel and tell the whole camp that God has blessed me. i wanted to share it out loud because the whole staff knew it was a struggle for me and it only made sense to tell everyone at once, so i did. i cried, as per usual, but krystal yelled out "praise the Lord" and people clapped and hugged me. it was soo exciting! after everything was over, chance came over to me and picked me up in a big hug. can you believe that i wouldnt let people do that to me before then? i had become to absorbed in myself and i hated myself so much that i forgot that im who i am because thats how God made me. if i insult myself, im insulting Gods perfect creation! it was almost funny coming to the realization of all of this. i know this next thing will sound stupid but it makes divine sense to me. something i was really striving for when i came out here was ti be the smallest, lightest, skinniest person on staff. even though i wasnt far off from these goals, i wasnt happy and i stoppped eating well. because of this, i was really low and tired. when i was finally praying and wantiong change, God pointed out the following: if you arent the thinnest person on staff, whats gonna change? will people flee from you? say they did. since there can only be one skinniest person on staff, she would have no friends at all. sux to be her eh? this was a fabulous night. things have changed. already i can see how i had given the devil a foothold. no longer. no longer am i sooo concerned about my physical appearance/weight. no longer am i worried about receiving acceptance from people who id love to be accepted by, because no matter who rejects me and de-values me, God chooses me over anything and Hes the only thing that really matters in the long run. no longer do i hold a dirty grudge over dr naylor, the man who hurt my eye condition a few years back. God died for him just as much as He died for me. thru all of this, ive received so much JOY! happiness is cool but joy just lifts the spirit. people with real joy can understand this. praise GOD!!! so theres the story of my life...the updated testimony..the real Hailey. hope you like it.
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:: 10:26 PM::
::Hailey Jeanne::
girl| OXOXOXOXOXOX | femme | loves | piano | guitar | long romantic walks on the beach |
writing| singing | pineapple | the color orange | white chocolate | family | my roomie | laughing out loud | blowing bubbles | smiling | Softsoap Milk & Honey body wash | making up my own words |
