::Wednesday, September 14, 2005::
hey everyone. k, this is an essay that we got to read in english and i thought it was funny. it might be boring for you, but at least read part of it k? k, here it goes.
"Our Crazy Country"
english is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. one of every seven human beings can speak it. more than half of the worlds books anf three quarters of international mail are in english. Of all languages, english has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as two million words - and one of the noblest bodies of literature.
nonetheless, lets face it; english is a crazy language. there is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in hamburger. english muffins werent invented in englan, or french fries in france. sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which arent sweet, are meat.
we take english for granted. but when exploring its paradoxes we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public bathrooms have no baths and a guinea pig is not a pig or from guinea.
and why is it that a writer writes but fingers dont fing, grocers dont groce, humdingers dont hum or ding, and hammers dont ham? if the plural for tooth is teeth, shouldnt the plural of booth be beeth? one goose, two geese - so one moose, two meese? one index, two indicies - one kleenex, two kleenices?
doesnt it seem loopy that you can make amends but not just one amend, that we comb thru the annals of history, but not just one annal? if you have a bunch of odd and ends and you get rid of all but one of them what do you call it?
if the teacher taught, why isnt it true that the preacher praught? if a horsehair mat is made from the hair of horses and a camels-hair coatfrom the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made? if you wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue?
sometimes i wonder if all english speakers should be comitted to an asylum for the verbally insane. in what other language can we ask: if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? ship by truck and send cargo by ship? have noses that run and feet that smell?
how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are different? how can 'overlook' and 'oversee' be opposites, while 'quite a few' and 'quite a lot' are alike? how can weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next?
did you ever notice that we can talk about certain things only when they are absent? have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown, met a sung hero or experienced requited love? have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly, or peccable? and where are the people who
are spring chickens or who
would hurt a fly? i meet individuals who
can cut the mustard and whom i
would touch with a ten foot pole, but i cannot talk about them in english. you have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can simultaneously burn up and burn down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
english was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity and fearful asymmetryof the human race (which, or course, isant really a race at all." thats why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. and why when i wind up my watch, i start it, but when i wind up this essay, i end it.
:: 10:01 AM::
::Hailey Jeanne::
girl| OXOXOXOXOXOX | femme | loves | piano | guitar | long romantic walks on the beach |
writing| singing | pineapple | the color orange | white chocolate | family | my roomie | laughing out loud | blowing bubbles | smiling | Softsoap Milk & Honey body wash | making up my own words |