::Saturday, January 27, 2007::
hello world
you know when you want to cry but it is not your falut?
when it actually was the right decision?
when you did the best you could with what you knew at the time?
(to quote dr phil)
you know when you feel like a total bitch?
when you selfishly want to take all the blame?
the blame that doesnt belong to you?
maybe the blame doesnt belong to anyone
i dont know
you know when you want to sleep but your body wont let you?
when you run on adrenaline all day long when all you need is stillness?
when all you need is silence?
you know that 'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'?
you know when youre not even hungry?
dang
you know when your friends support you without asking questions?
and when they do ask questions?
and when they just hug you?
theyre cool
a person should be able to just breath
you know when thats not as easy as it sounds?
yeah
i know
you know when life is just not easy?
when you want it to be
so bad but it just cant?
when you wish you could press 'pause' or 'undo'?
well...maybe not 'undo'
i dunno
(1) comments
:: 7:46 PM::
::Tuesday, January 23, 2007::
Since that 'yesterday'...
So basically I can't say much for last week. It was the definition of 'gong show'. Seriously, it seemed that I was the victim of a gossip column or tabloid. I know I'm nowhere near that point, but I can understand why celebrities hate being in the spotlight. In many ways things have got no better, but not necessarily worse. A group of supportive friends are really helping. I went home last weekend to take a break from life and when I arrived back I was really low, so Jerilee, Kyle, and Chris took me to Tim Horton's. After that we just drove around until I felt ready to go home, which was around 1:00am. The drive home was a lot of fun, but I can't expand on that because I know my parents read this blog. Love you guys. Anyway, the next day I was fairly sure I had worked out a good amount of one of the things that is currently overwhelming me, when it was brought to my attention that I was very wrong. I got riled up and stressed. My next step was obvious. McDonalds run with Kyle. It was fabulous. I had a large Caramilk McFlurry and small fries. It soothed the soul. It calmed me down I suppose you could say, but on the other hand I was completely wired after that, from the sugar and the mood. I laughed the whle way back and I can report right now that today was not bad, but remotely tolerable. Of course, I busied myself with a boatload of homework, cleaned my room and did virtually all my laundry. In a few minutes there will be supper, then choir practice and unit meeting. We are playing a game called "Gargoyle" which is a completely draining yet fun game. Yes, I said it. I actually like a game! Anwyay, please pray for my attitude as, I admit, it is pretty bad right now. Appreciate this rant. It's the lightest one I've given for the past few days. Much love.
(0) comments
:: 3:22 PM::
::Friday, January 19, 2007::
Oh dang, the story of yesterday...
It's more of a rant than a story, but I'm gonna tell it anyway because it is my blog. Yesterday began average. It wasn't good or bad really. Nothing to complain about but nothing really to express immense joy over either. At one point I was remotely bored so I decided that I should do something with my time. I was sitting in the main building when I decided maybe I could go for a walk or something. I went to put a book I was unsuccessfully trying to read in my mailbox. Now, without naming names or being specific, I will tell the next part of the story. Someone was in the mailroom. So was someone else. Person #1 made a really unneccessary remark that crossed a line that couldn't be more visible if you covered it in reflective tape. I was less than pumped with Person #1, and it was incredibly awkward for me and Person #2. Inside my head, I knew that if I didn't leave the room right then and there I would quite possibly implode and splatter the people in the mail room with unpleasant things, so I left. I borrowed my roomies iPod and hit the treadmills in the work-out room. I was so glad to be able to go and run off my steam. Unfortunately, I forgot how long it had been since I ran, and I could hardly keep us my speed for over five minutes. I was only going around 10km/hr so, needless to say, I was less than pleased with myself. I was so angry that I left the work-out room and went outside. I walked a good ways in just shorts and a T-shirt. The iPod had very little music that fit my emotions at that time, so I found the one song that sort of fit, "Let's get Retarded" by the Black-Eyed Peas, and jogged outside to it about four or five times through. I was frozen and blazing and ticked at myself so I went inside, gave my roomie back her iPod and hit the showers...literally. I sat in the bottom of the shower and cried like a mother who just lost a child. Honestly, it sounds like I am overreacting over a simple comment, but I suppose since things are good here that little things get over-looked, and I guess I hadn't snapped in a while. Anyway, I cleaned myself up, put on comfy clothes, and went back to the main building just in time for supper. Normally, when I am bummed out, my instinct is to miss a meal or two. This day in particular, I decided not to let the devil win and I went towards the cafeteria. My roomie caught me before I went in and told me something that had been said about me and that some rumors were going around between a few people that were not so flattering about me so, again, I was less than happy. I hugged her, then we headed to supper together. To put the cherry ontop of the sundae, supper was really gross. It was an exhausting day, but something about exhausting days out here, no matter how bad they are, there is always someone to back you up, or someone to vent to, or someone to pray for/with you, or someone just to hug you without knowing any details. Now, to put the hearts of the people reading this at ease, the rumors have been discussed and straightened out for the most part, I have running buddies who also can't run very well (yet) and my good friend Kyle burned me a cd of angry/energetic/running music which I have recently added to Jerilee's iPod and now I am set for the next time my day is bad. Maybe with these forms of support, I will handle situations like this better. Woot woot for ranting. Thank you all for listening. Please don't judge me.
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:: 4:33 PM::
::Hailey Jeanne::
girl| OXOXOXOXOXOX | femme | loves | piano | guitar | long romantic walks on the beach |
writing| singing | pineapple | the color orange | white chocolate | family | my roomie | laughing out loud | blowing bubbles | smiling | Softsoap Milk & Honey body wash | making up my own words |
