the other day i was pondering the concept of pondering. keep in mind, please, that this was late at night/early in the morning when i couldnt sleep and was in a very special mood. did you know that literally, to ponder doesnt mean to think. its actually a way to categorize a small, stagnant body of water. as in, one body of water is ponder than the other. if one big puddle is different than another, it has potential to be ponder than its competitor. correct? or rather, you could ask the question, what makes a pond ponder than another pond? what are the qualifications, who chooses them, and what gives them the right? i guess you could ask who ponders ponder. coinsidence? i think not. the definition of a pond is a still body of water smaller than a lake, yet now you can realize that a pond is so much more complex than that. if one pond can be ponder, the stillness of the body of water isnt the only comparison between ponds. if one pond is swampier than another, does that qualifiy is as ponder than another, or is it then a swamp? what specifically has to happen to a pond to cause it to be ponder? in the movie 'mona lisa smile' julia roberts asks "what is art? what makes it good and who decides?" so now to follow in the wise footsteps of a rich celebrity, ill ask the following: what is a pond? what makes it ponder, and who decides?
(5) comments :: 9:16 AM::
does life ever completely stress you out? yeah, me too. honestly, im not worried about next year and going to college. im excited to live away from home and to be on my own and to meet new people and to study the Bible and concepts of it. im happy in that aspect. i am however, incredibly stressed about other things. take for instance...summer. i have no idea what to do. i dont want to go back to camp because 1. i need to make more money and 2.i didnt have the greatest camp experience last summer. i wanted to work up in BC with family, but unfortunately, the company i wanted to work for is no longer owned by my family, so thats out. i really want to do road construction, and be the flag girl with the stop sign and make ridiculous amounts of money standing at the side of the road, but im not sure i know where to apply or how to start. in all this, the high maintenance side of me comes out and im really wishing for a laptop, or a "notebook computer" i believe theyre called now. my dream is to get an IBook, but as im poor and mennonite this doesnt seem possible. thinking about all this together with the concept of being a hormonal girl at the same time almost sends me to tears. it did yesterday in my basement. im not nervous to leave, but i want to be ready in more ways than just my heart. i could use some prayers guys. i love you all.
(3) comments :: 12:10 PM::
welp, i went to youth advance and had a life changing weekend. this time, its sticking. i was a bit stressed so maybe i wasnt as much fun to everyone as i was in past years, but it all got better for the second half. a bethany student named matt smith, along with a few other students, wrote this song for the weekend using the theme, servants. the bridge went as follows: Lord im just a child/ filled with doubts and tears/ take me as i am/ with all my hurts and fears. that part really got to me and, not surprisingly for anyone who knows me at all, it sent me to tears every time. why does God choose to use the weak? anyways, matt is a very popular guy so i never expected to meet him. lo and behold, saturday afternoon i ended up chatting with him in the ad building. he asked how i was and what i enjoyed most about the weekend so far. i told him i was fine, but he read me like a book, so i told him about how that song was really appropriate for me that weekend, and just that life was sorta frustrating hthe last few weeks and it was hard to give of myself when i was stressed. he seemed to be able to see right into me and simply said that i cant make hurt just go away, but i should refocus on things that are more important. hmmm...thats deep. i can honestly tell you i have no idea what the speaker said the entire weekend, but that one conversation with matt was what made all the difference. that night, at a praise and worship "concert" type thing, i was praying to God, asking him what i could do to divert attention away from my self pity. i asked him what i should focus on. dumb question. he practically whapped me over the head and yelled "ME YOU IDIOT!!" well, okay, not so harshly, but you know what i mean. this all got me thinking about when we say we feel far from God and how we're so lonely. im sure that God feels lonely and far from us too. why do we expect God to come to us? what have we done thats so deserving of his praise? it goes the other way people! since then, ive muscled my way thru luke and john, both phenomenol books. just knowing that God and i are getting closer and that im pleasing him by being genuinely interested is all the payback i need. seriuosly everyone, when you feel abandoned and worthless, despite the reason, God chooses us unfortunate saps to do his work! what a craazy thought!!! this is jumbled so i apologize, but it works for me, so theres an update. i love you all.
(0) comments :: 5:58 PM::
Cinderella Gone Wrong
(3) comments :: 7:39 AM::